DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS STRUGGLING?

Mary Hargrave • 26 April 2024

Did you know there is more than one way to communicate with others?

Most of you have probably heard of verbal (using words) vs nonverbal (body language, facial expressions) communication. A smile, a shoulder shrug, or even a raised eyebrow can change the entire context of a conversation. That's why texts and emails sometimes lead to misunderstandings – they lack those crucial visual cues! 

There are other types of communication as well: intellectual and emotional.

In our daily lives, we lean towards intellectual communication – exchanging facts, giving instructions, and all the practical stuff we need to get through the day. Great for productivity, but not so great when we encounter someone speaking about emotions or needing emotional support.

When we chat with our spouse, co-workers, or a friendly service worker, we're usually in 'intellectual mode.' But what if they need to share something more personal? That's when we might hit a snag. Not everyone realizes that sometimes, we need to switch gears and listen with our hearts.

When someone reaches out emotionally, they're not looking for solutions or facts. They want to feel heard and understood. In a world where we are programmed to rush to solutions, offer quick fixes, or guide our friends toward the "bright side," we may inadvertently bypass a crucial part of the healing process - the recognition of pain.

It's about finding the right balance and recognizing when someone needs empathetic, emotional support rather than just an exchange of ideas or instructions.

Grievers – Independence, MO - Mary Hargrave

When you recognize someone is communicating emotionally, your undivided attention is the greatest gift you can give. Put your cell phone away, don’t look at your watch, don’t scan the room. Whether you're a manager, want to be a better parent, or just someone looking to improve your relationships, remember this: A moment of silence to listen can speak volumes in emotional communication.

When someone shares something significant, like a child confiding, "Someone was mean to me at school," respond with empathy rather than an intellectual response. A gentle, "Oh, I can't imagine what that's like for you," does much more than “Don’t worry about that kid. Just ignore him. He was probably just having a bad day”. It shows you've heard them and acknowledged their emotional experience. 

You should also summarize what they said. This mirror technique can make the other person feel seen and heard, reinforcing that their feelings are valid. Imagine this: Your colleague says, "I'm overwhelmed with this project." Responding with empathy, you say, "That sounds incredibly stressful. Want to talk about it?". What you're doing is *listening* – actively and emotionally. You're not just hearing words. You're acknowledging feelings.

  • Next time someone reaches out emotionally, try this approach: 
  1. Listen without interrupting.
  2. Respond with empathy rather than solutions.
  3. Invite them to share more with phrases like, "Tell me more about that."

So let's challenge ourselves to tune in more deeply. When a friend or loved one speaks from the heart, let's listen with ours. That way, we won’t miss out on opportunities to help people feel safe, to be honest.

Wondering how the Grief Recovery Method is different from traditional grief support? Great Question!

by Mary Hargrave • 26 April 2024
1. One big difference is that we don’t separate people by the type of loss they’ve experienced. Everyone is welcome no matter why their heart is broken. That may sound wild since it’s not how most grief support groups work, so let’s look at why we do that.  Even if two people experienced the same type of loss they still wouldn’t have the same experiences because all relationships are unique. For example, let’s say the father of two twin sisters died. That sounds about as close as you can get to people experiencing the same type of loss, right? Well, those two sisters are still individual people. One might have had a great relationship with her dad, but the other might not have. To compare one person’s loss to another’s, regardless of the cause or type of loss, discounts, minimizes or trivializes their feelings or experience. We have found that focusing on the type of loss puts the focus in the wrong place. Yes, the type of loss is important because it’s why someone’s heart is broken, but we also focus on how to help people. The Grief Recovery Method is a universal solution that will work for anyone that is willing to do the work.

What is “tangible” and “intangible” loss?

by Mary Hargrave • 26 April 2024
Tangible losses are experiences that are easily seen, like death, breakups, or bankruptcy. Intangible losses are experiences that often go unnoticed, such as loss of trust, safety, security, and control.
A woman is standing on the beach with her arms outstretched.

The Grief Recovery Method Will Change Your Life

by Mary Hargrave • 11 April 2022
Not to boast about what the Grief Recovery Method is, but there is a reason it’s the ONLY Evidence Based Grief Support Program in the world. If you’ve experienced The Grief Recovery Method you know what sets us apart from other traditional support groups. If you haven’t, then take a peak at what these participants … The Grief Recovery Method Will Change Your Life Read More » The post The Grief Recovery Method Will Change Your Life appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist.
A Woman Is Walking Down A Path With A Backpack – Independence, MO - Mary Hargrave

What is in your BACKPACK?

by Mary Hargrave • 29 June 2021
The Grief Recovery Method is designed to help unpack, examine, and release the pain from unresolved emotional pain that really weighs you down. We all pack differently. Some of us are traveling light. Some of us are secret hoarders who’ve never parted with a memory in our lives. I think we are all called to … What is in your BACKPACK? Read More » The post What is in your BACKPACK? appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist.
A person is walking down a road with the words `` willingness : the first step to healing your broken heart ''.

Willingness: The first Step To Healing a Broken Heart:

by Mary Hargrave • 7 June 2021
If you’re reading this you’ve probably been through a devastating loss recently or a long time ago. Maybe you’ve experienced a ton of heartache, feel hopeless about the future, or wonder why you can’t seem to find any joy in life.  I’ve been there too: deaths, breakups, sexual abuse, crushing lonliness, not wanting to get … Willingness: The first Step To Healing a Broken Heart: Read More » The post Willingness: The first Step To Healing a Broken Heart: appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist.
A Man And A Woman Are Kissing With Their Eyes Closed – Independence, MO - Mary Hargrave

What is Grief?

by Mary Hargrave • 20 May 2021
Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind. While grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, most of the information we have learned about dealing with loss is not normal, natural, or helpful. We all experience loss many times in our lives. But despite the fact that we all … What is Grief? Read More » The post What is Grief? appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist.
A Group Of People Are Dancing At A Party With Their Hands In The Air – Independence, MO - Mary Hargrave

New Year’s Resolutions on Grief

by Mary Hargrave • 20 May 2021
Do you want to improve your mental, physical, and spiritual health in the New Year? Have you made any resolutions yet? From eating healthier and working out to getting out of debt or following a budget, making time for resolutions means that you’re open to self-improvement, so kudos to you! While you’ll certainly find tons … New Year’s Resolutions on Grief Read More » The post New Year’s Resolutions on Grief appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist.
Two Women Are Sitting At A Table Drinking Coffee And Talking To Each Other – Independence, MO - Mary Hargrave

Grief Recovery Can Heal Trauma

by Mary Hargrave • 20 May 2021
You hear the word trauma a lot these days. It’s great news that people are openly talking about devastating events that happened in their lives. The word trauma gets used in so many different ways that we thought you might like to know how the Grief Recovery Method helps with trauma. Trauma is any event … Grief Recovery Can Heal Trauma Read More » The post Grief Recovery Can Heal Trauma appeared first on Mary Hargrave - Grief Coping Specialist.
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